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Petersbourg 4th Septr 1780.
I arrived here yesterday at one o'clock, as I passed by Sr James Harris's door I enquired
if he dined at home and finding it so, I hastened to dress myself and went there. I found
there your letter of the 6th of August, but no other from England. I had been appraised
by a letter I received at Mittau from Pleschijeff that Mr Shairpe had by mistake
notwithstanding the injunctions he had had to the contrary, sent all the other letters to
Moscow, from whence I may be long before they get back here. I observed immediately
that it had been opened, and by certain circumstances leave me scarcely a
doubt of the person by whom. The contents were such as could not but make me very
unhappy but the their being known to a person on whom in short I so much depend made me
a miserable for a while at least almost despair of every thing. did I not desire you not to treat
any thing even under Sir James's direction address which you would not like that he at least should see:
I think I did, I know I had the greatest reason to do it. I have by this time got myself to
consider your accusations with more composure than I could do yesterday, though I cannot
but think them exceedingly harsh and expressive of very different sentiments from those
which you were used to entertain of me. It is true that fr it is from my letters
only that you can judge of my way of thinking at present, I may for what you
can be certain to the contrary have become since I left England an object no longer
worthy of your affection. This idea alone last night made me miserable, but now
I can bear to think of the possibility of any such an event without making
myself unhappy about it till I have proof of its reality. The whole of these
accusations I am well persuaded are reducible to that one depicting the air of
mystery or as you might have said the real uncommunicativeness which
most certainly must have shewn itself in all my letters. I am confident
myself that were you to know all circumstances you would find very little to blame
me for. A kind of Inaction indeed or indolence I have sometimes had to a very
great degree, but it has luckily so happened that this even had had no bad consequences.
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Identifier: | JB/539/079/001"JB/" can not be assigned to a declared number type with value 539. |
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1780-09-04 |
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539 |
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079 |
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001 |
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Correspondence |
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Samuel Bentham |
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