JB/539/082/001

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Petersburg 4th Sepr 1780

I arrived here yesterday at one o'clock, as I passed by Sir James
Harris's Door I enquired if he dined at home, & finding it so, I
hastened to dress myself and went there, I found there your letter of
the 6th of August, but no other from England. I had been appris'd by
a letter I read at Mittau from Pleschijeff that Mr Shairpe had by
mistake, notwithstanding the injunctions he had had to the contrary,
sent all the other letters to Moscow, from whence it may be long
before they get back here. I observed immediately that it had been
opened and certain circumstances leave me scarcely a doubt
of the person by whom. The Contents were such as cou'd not but
make me very unhappy but their being known to a person
on whom in short I so much depend made me for
a while at least despair of every thing. Did I not desire you
not to trust anything even under Sir James's address wch
you wod not like that he at least shod see. I think I did. I
know I had the greatest reason to do it. I have by this time got
myself to consider your accusation with more composure
than I cou'd do yesterday tho' I cannot but think them
exceedingly harsh, and expressive of very different Sentiments from
those w ch you were used to entertain of me. It is true that it is
from my Letters only that you can judge of my way of thinking at
present I may for what you can be certain to the contrary have become
since I left England an object no longer worthy of your affection.
This Idea alone last night made me miserable but now I can
bear to think of the possibility of such an Event without making
myself unhappy about it till I have proof of its reality.
The whole of these accusations I am persuaded are reduceable to that respecting the
air of misery or as you might have said of incommunicativeness
which most certainly must have shewn itself in all my Letters.
I am confident myself that were you to know all circumstances
you wo d find very little to blame me for. A kind of inaction
indeed or Indolence I have sometimes had to a very great degree
but it has luckily so happened but even this had no bad —
consequences. I must in general terms tell you whether you

Identifier: | JB/539/082/001 "JB/" can not be assigned to a declared number type with value 539.
Date_1	1780-09-04	Marginal Summary Numbering
Box	539	Main Headings
Folio number	082	Info in main headings field
Image	001	Titles
Category	Correspondence	Number of Pages
Recto/Verso		Page Numbering
Penner	Samuel Bentham	Watermarks
Marginals		Paper Producer
Corrections		Paper Produced in Year
Notes public		ID Number
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