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Narrative
56
Insecurity and
inconsistency not to
be imputed to J.B
J.B. predicted in
this evidence what
would happen.
That neither the imputation of insincerity nor that
of inconsistency may be superadded to my other sufferings
in speaking of my fate, as I now do, as prepared and
predetermined at a very early period of the history it may
be necessary for me to beg of your Lordship to distinguish
between the persuasion entertained by me at the present
moment, upon a retrospect of the whole train of incidents, &
the different degrees of suspicion — the mixtures of hope & despair,
in an infinite variety of proportions — which were produced
in my mind at different stages of the business by the
ever changing complexion of the time. So long ago as in
June 1798, in my evidence to the Committee of Finance,
your Lordship will indeed find me predicting on the ground
of four years sad experience every suffering that a mixture
of treachery and cold barbarity, not to speak of incapacity
in various shapes and places with its casual & unpremeditated
consequence in a situation of uncontroulable & irresponsible
despotism could inflict. But in the pre prediction thus
advanced your Lordship would not find a syllable that
was not delivered in the express view and wish, nor even
altogether without some faint hope, of seeing the predicted
fate, in some part of its rigour averted or softened by the
event. —
37
J.B. obliged to act
as if assured of
success - J.B. could
not recede without
bearing the whole
blame & dishonour.
But whatever had any time been the state of my
expectations — and even though at the very earliest period I
had obtained the sad conviction which I should be so
happy, were it possible, to put from me, my conduct on
each occasion could have been little different, from that
which would have been called for by a course of ordinary
humanity & good faith, presenting a tranquil prospect &
assurance of success. Whatsoever I was most assured of seeing
refused — and refused at any price — it was not the less
encumbent
Identifier: | JB/117/217/001 "JB/" can not be assigned to a declared number type with value 117.
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117 |
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217 |
narrative |
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copy/fair copy sheet |
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recto |
f25 |
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38834 |
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